In loving memory for these two beautiful souls

Today as I light a candle for the number one man that was in my life before any man, my inspirational and IDOL, my dear father who died in 1992 on this day 21st August. I also sit in silence as all the emotions of losing my older sister in May this year resurface to the max. The pain is sharper than ever before, it goes through my soul like a sharp knife that cuts you. I know I am strong; I am that one chic who has overcome many obstacles and taken them on with gratitude and grace. I have danced with many obstacles and turned them into my own rhythm of the music. But days like this, even I become weak with emotions and memories that I can’t control. I can’t control the memories of their beautiful faces, smiles, laughter and the love of life, happiness and fashion that my father had that I was blessed to inherit!

I share my own journey of grief. As I take my pen and paper. I dress that paper with tears overflowing my face, knowing these two will never be back. These two beautiful souls that I loved dearly and will forever love dearly were taken to heaven so young in their 40s.

They were taken by a similar horrible disease called AIDS that have been taken lives of different generations. I write and ask how this could be and how much more are we going to lose from this unkind disease. Especially knowing that it’s not so much the disease itself that kills someone but the thoughts, the mental state, the medicine and stigma towards them and knowing that something is in your body and that something will take your soul one day.

I then continue writing my journey of grief hoping; maybe I may help myself and another broken soul out there.

I can’t sleep and can’t think straight, I call my sister’s phone hoping I can hear her voice as today we always used to call each other and talk about our father what he liked and sing his favourite song. But sadly, this time, I don’t have both of them to share that memory with. I pause and pause and tears overflow.

Dealing with grief is a challenge like no other. How can you pick up the pieces, heal the wounds, and move on without having those little moments of been reminded of your loved ones you have lost?

It only takes small things to break you down, small things to trigger emotions as little as their favourite Tree, a song or the sound of their laughter.

Through my journey of grieving, I find writing to be healing. I write a few reminders for myself.

Take care of yourself. Face your feelings. Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Look after your physical health. And if you feel like crying just do it.

I have had my fair share of losing those close to me at a very young age and learning how to deal with it in my own way. They say with time it’s getting better; but let me tell you this, from time to time, it gets harder and harder. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. I can’t tell anyone how to deal with a loss of a loved you. The only thing I can do is be there for them, give them space if they need it and a loving and a warm hug when comfort is needed.

This year since May I have been travelling through my own journey of grieving. Losing my older sister in May few days before her birthday, gone so young; my weekends have become harder as I can’t make that phone call anymore. We used to have our Saturday’s when we would just laugh about things that never made sense. And today as I remember our father who’s in heaven with her I feel blessed that my life had these beautiful souls in it! I will keep their memories forever shining in this universe as I know they are both shining in Heaven singing with the Angels!

Rest in peace Father. Rest in Peace Sis.